Visiting Mom, who is ill (trip #2 of 4)

A month having passed since our last trip, we hit the road for St. Joe again.  The tiny bit of upside in all this is that we out-of-towners have a chance to make our visits - and somehow my mom so far has been spared the onset of awful pain, or too-quick (well actually, it is too quick anyway) deterioration.  For this visit, Paul Jr. and Nedda also made the trip.  Nedda had never made it to St. Joe, it was important to me that she see it at this time.  My little wife keeps doing a great job with the photography, and with cooking/cleaning/etc./etc.

Our visit was just wonderful.

Friday 12 June

PJ and I enjoy our typical hassle-free travels and arrive in St. Joe about 6:15p following Hy-vee stop.  Just missed Charlie/Beth family by a couple hours.  G&G were napping when we arrived, clearly enjoyed the week with PA visitors.  PJ put together a quite fine chicken parmesan supper, pleasant-quiet evening, all done by midnight.

EMG explaining original St. Joe school building to PJr.

Our fellow-travelers – PJr and Nedda – ran into serious delays.  They were scheduled for late arrival, but then their flight was delayed until 11p or so Phx time.  They made good time thereafter but still didn’t get to the Burr Oak until 8a local time.  (Americinn and Brookstone:  both sold out.)  It’s good to be young and strong.

EMG using St. Joe history book to add some details for benefit of PJr/Nedda . . . 

Saturday 13 June

PJ up at 8a or so - coffee, cinnamon rolls!  We chattered and chattered about various.  Grandma and PJ make rhubarb pie.  (Throwback to an occasional kitchen task from my youth - I cut the rhubarb – fabulous quality stuff courtesy Dick Erpelding.)

Nedda with Grandma . . .

Caroline explaining quilting.

PJr & Nedda arrive by 11a with about 24 hours or so available before heading back.  Grandpa did a really nice job of giving them a St. Joe history overview – including quite-enoyable discussion of boarding school anecdotes  They were great listeners; Grandma chimed in helpfully as she does; PJ and I even heard a few new things; this session actually was very nice, memorable.  Then had late dinner – with that rhubarb pie, which was a winner.

Next – a delightful, lengthy road trip; fun for all, but with underlying purpose of wanting to show Nedda around on her first visit.

Caroline's apartment in Algona (PJr, PJ, Grandma, Carline, me, EMG)

-----------Stop #1:  visit Caroline in Algona – talked about quilting (and quilting history), etc.  She serves up beverages and snacks.  Conversation among G&G and C in hallway as we leave is touching – these three have been acquainted quite a while.

These three old friends had so many laughs talking in hallway
as we prepared to head to next stop on our road trip . . . 

One more time . . . 

------------Stop #2:  Irene Bormann house.  But we didn’t stop in. Just wanted to show Grandma’s home place.

------------Next:  took gravel roads to our farm home from there, including circling the section such that we arrive from the south.  (Also swung past Kohlhaas/Bormann sites, and the Spring Valley mansions).

Travelin' group pose in shed, in front of corn shellers and whatnot.

Explaining the "home place" to Nedda on a lovely late afternoon.

With my parents in the "boys room" upstairs . . . identifying a few things
worthy of taking over to the "new" house in St. Joe . . . 

Grandma . . . watching, reflecting . . . 

*sigh*

------------Stop #3:  farm where we all grew up.  Deterioration of the house is accelerating.  I’m ready to get out of the house fairly quickly this time but Grandma is visibly lingering room to room, she and Grandpa are looking at stuff, this makes me sad.  They decide to haul back to St. Joe a cardboard box with some of Mary’s stuff.  Then we walk around the yard a bit.  Late afternoon/early evening – the sun is out for pretty much the first time since we arrived in St. Joe and washes the old, past-its-prime place with that yellow glow – just gorgeous.  We stand around in the yard; some picture-taking; some talking; some silence; evocative-ness factor is strong.  Grandma was quietly taking all this in – PJ standing with Grandma off by the shed while Grandma looks over the scene and watches the rest of us wander around the yard and buildings and point and talk, and talk, about this and that – she tells PJ about how very sad she is that she won’t get to see this kind of thing anymore.  Ach.

-------------Drive toward St. Joe; swing south at Jim Butler corner and look around Ray Gales property (stop #4).  The sun is still hanging in the west with that yellow-ish light . . .

With Daryl and Kathy Baker at St. Joe cemetery

-------------Stop #5:  St. Joe cemetery – randomly run into Daryl & Kathy there – visit the family graves – perfect weather and lighting conditions – evocative-ness, cont’d.

Visiting grave of Irvin Bormann on a glorious summer evening (St. Joe cemetery)

-------------Stop #6:  go to Livermore for church supper - $5 for burger, baked beans, potato salad, dessert ($10 to upgrade to steak sandwich).  Is this really a fund raiser?  Pleasant chats with various – luminaries such as Spud, Ken E., Tom Berte, Darold Hofer, Leo Bormann, Leo's Irene; Eugene Mertz was playing bingo so we didn't get to say hi to him until his usual beverage duty at Livermore breakfast the following morning.  

Livermore parish supper - best deal around (including custom dollar coozies).

End of our fine road trip - back to St. Joe – where we take sunset photos as we fight skeeters.  Followed by quite a bit of Irvin Bormann discussion as PJr and Nedda have scheduled a Cassino tour when they’re in Europe in a few weeks – Grandma enjoying showing various items.  But plenty of other topics.  They head back to Burr Oak around 11p or so, we all wrap up by midnight or prior.

St. Joe and family history discussions . . . continued into the evening.

Sunday 14 June

All attend 10a Mass followed by customary yakking in church.  Then to Livermore Legion hall for pancake breakfast.  Back to St. Joe house; eventually (but after full demo of downstairs exercise equipment) PJr and Nedda head to MN to visit Nick/Maeve/Beau before airport.  Back in St. Joe:  afternoon naps!

Reviewing Irvin Bormann information with his sister (PJr & Nedda heading
to Cassino within the month)

At night:  baby shower for Anna Bormann Olson at Mark & Sue’s place – a very nice event indeed, we were there a few hours.  Enjoyed catching up with those folks.  Back at St. Joe - watched second half of NBA finals game with Grandpa.  Followed by more chatting ‘til our typical midnight wrap-up.

Monday 15 June 

Hospice nurse stops by in the morning.  PJ had bought groceries for spaghetti/meatballs for Sa or Su supper so makes these up for M dinner instead.  Grandma left for card club at 1:30p, which gave us a little time to speak with Grandpa before heading to the airport around 2p

Our group just after breakfast at Livermore Legion hall (in front of Irvin Bormann's flag)

In sum:

Very different trip than the prior month, lucky to have two entirely-different-but-equally-fine experiences.  This was small group, relaxed, G&G both did great.  Grandma didn’t seem a whit different than five weeks ago, except we had the sense that she is more strongly feeling the clock ticking.  It’s just hard to believe she’s that ill, but there it is.  When we say goodbye we don’t really feel like it might be the last time we see her in such (relatively) good shape, as we will want to return probably late July or thereabouts depending on how things are going.

35th anniversary

[As always:  click any photo to enlarge all.]

For me:  35 years married to PJ.  It seems beyond impossible that so many years have flowed by, but here we are. In a life filled with ridiculously good luck - I don't think anything can beat that I ran into the right person at the right time.  Which I definitely did.

Having unexpectedly enjoyed a short campus visit a couple years back, we determined to spend anniversary #35 where it all started - at the Notre Dame campus.  It was a good choice.  The venerable Morris Inn was just emerging from a significant re-do, so we thought we'd stay there.  That also was a good choice (though the main restaurant was undergoing renovations, so we missed out on testing it).

We sat quite a while outside the Log Chapel.  Recalling.  (5/23/15)

Reception line  outside Log Chapel (5/24/80).  Steven Rodgers (GP professor) greeting PJ.

With Mom & Dad outside Log Chapel (reception line, 5/24/80)

Perhaps it's the passage of quite a few years.  Perhaps it has something to do with the still relatively fresh news that my mother is dying of cancer. Maybe the years simply permit us to get a bit wiser, or at least more appreciative.  Maybe some sort of grace is involved.  Certainly it made a difference that we were in exactly the same geography at exactly the same day of the year as we were married.  Whatever the combination of factors - as we sat near the Log Chapel and tried to be as still as possible - the sensation of 5/24/80, and those that were there with us - and particularly those no longer with us - the presence of the ghosts, let's say - was strong, and somehow nigh-tangible, and deeply appreciated.  Sweet/bittersweet.

One last visit by the Log Chapel on night before departure; moon glow on lake.  (5/26/15)

NDGC shows up (part of the contingent here outside Log Chapel:  Dave Kollar, John Jacobs,
Joe Donovan, Brian Shappell (with Andrea); Alice Vitacco and Monk in back. (5/24/80)

Among others in reception line outside Log Chapel (5/24/80):  Joe, Margaret, Ann, 
Kathy Gales; Cecilia and Mary Gales.

We asked a great deal of folks in May 1980 - as circumstances played out, we gave about 12 days notice of the wedding.  Yet the photos from the big day show dozens of folks who interrupted their lives to travel hundreds of miles (in most cases) to be with us.  I thought about all that, sitting there in front of the Log Chapel.  It was kind of overwhelming.  What a great day; what a wonderful journey was launched.

Ernest J. Gales and Monk with us; standing immediately left of Log Chapel. (5/24/80)

From Chicago-land (part of the contingent):  Voe, Nancy, Pat, Rita, Jan, Patrick O'Donnell  (5/24/80)

From Iowa/Minnesota (immediate family):  EMG, Charlie, HSG, Steve (me and PJ), Dolores,
Therese, Mary, Carol, Cecilia  (5/24/80)

I wasn't planning to include interior shots in this discussion of "outside the 
Log Chapel" - but I just love this photo.  

Memorial Day weekend was very quiet on campus, and in South Bend proper.  We hadn't really anticipated this.  It was a big plus.  For folks who have been away from campus for a while - there's nothing more evocative than the opportunity to walk around a deserted campus - yes, it permits imagination and remembrance to bloom.

I like this shot - looking west on South Quad.  We wandered here countless times in the late '70s.

This is the kind of view one gets wandering around the lakes.

ND #1 landmark.

Lit a candle for Grandma.

The church (now basilica) is very fancy indeed.

Taken in a stairwell in O'Shaughnessy Hall - where liberal arts classes were held  in the late '70s.  PJ and I
met in a Great Books Seminar in January 1977 (junior year).  Class was held mid-afternoon
on Mondays and Wednesdays.  We hit it off right away; as the semester progressed, we'd sit on the 
ledges here and chat for an hour or so after class before heading our separate ways (fencing practice for her, 
NDGC for me).  This is where a big part of the "getting to know each other" process happened.

PJ and I had our first date here - 5/5/77.  Much enjoyed, even if I dozed off a while.  Hey, I was comfortable with her.

Some things that happened in our 2015 visit:

1. Benefiting from slow season - the hotel upgraded us into a really nice suite.  Fun.
2. The hotel location - right on campus - is unbeatable.  Step out the door into immediate immersion.  Which is what we were looking for.
3. South Bend restaurant scene has really picked up.  Wonderful dinners at Cafe Navarre and at the LaSalle Grill.  O'Rourke's - in Eddy Commons - was our go-to stopping place.  Evil Czech Brewery in Mishawaka is doing fine things.
4. We walked, and walked, and walked - all 'round campus.  And around the lakes.  And over to St. Mary's.  This never gets tiring for us.
5. We also drove around town a bit - visited a number of the places where we (and, eventually, N and C) lived - fun recollections.
6. Very enjoyable visit with Bill Seetch and his wife and son - they have a lovely house near campus - it was great to catch up with Bill, and to meet them.
7. Caught up with John Conley - every bit as enjoyable.
8. Seasonal weather throughout - occasionally rainy/humid, but quite excellent for the most part.  We much enjoy the change of weather.

Most of all - we enjoyed spending the time together,and remembering, and appreciating.  It was a great trip.  I'm lucky.

629 S. Carroll Street.  We had the apartment on this corner, first floor.  Located in a bit of a scramble
after returning from Stanford (described here).  I was a second-year law student.  Nicole joined us on 5/5/81.

University Village apartments (married student housing).  PJ, Nicole, and I lived here during my
third year of law school.  We were on top floor, immediately to right of the entrance.
Chris joined us 4/9/82.

As always - enjoyed catching up with John Conley. 

Another favorite photo . . . 5/24/80 . . .  

Visiting Mom, who is ill (trip #1 of 4)

Time to start visiting my Mom.  (And to visit Dad - guess what, he's also affected by this.)  (But from here on I’ll use Grandma/Grandpa when referring to them (since our visits always involved next-gen types).)  

Here’s an overview of trip #1:

Thursday, May 7

Pleasant (if hurried) stop-off in downtown Albert Lea.  Who knew, it's a real town.

Easy, on-time flights; PJ, Chris and I meet Kerry at MSP airport and head south.  Slight detour through Albert Lea for CPG-located lunch stop – worked well.  Reached St. Joe around 9p local time.  We had been dismayed by a couple recent photos of Grandma – but they were misleading, we were relieved that she looked good.  Nice initial chatting – all felt fine/normal, even though.  And we watched Doc Martin – fun to do with G&G.  Tired after traveling, C&K to hotel in Algona, PJ and I stay at the house.

Friday, May 8

Hotel crew showed up for breakfast/coffee.  PJ and C headed to Algona for groceries etc.  K and I hung around, talked to Grandma and (to a lesser extent) Grandpa; K went through some of the Minnie Bormann handwritten “cookbook” materials with Grandma – thoroughly interesting.

K and her Grandma inspect Minnie Bormann recipe notebook.

Connie and Caroline were at the farm - nice to visit there.

CPG and Caroline.

Phase one of mixing up baked goods – cinnamon rolls, top hats, peanut blossom cookies.  (Later:  angel food cake, rhubarb dessert.)  After dinner, G&G head to palliative care appointment in Mason City (meeting Steve and Cecilia there).  The rest of us go over to Clarence Bormann farm – had the typically excellent visit with Caroline and Connie.   Liz had arrived in St. Joe and was planting out the flower bed when we returned - nice.  Then the folks from the MC appointment arrived back at St. Joe.  Chicken divan for supper!  Nice after-supper chatting.  Watched Bulls win on buzzer-beater.  Steve & Liz head out.

Gales-men.

As the evening wears on – Nicole arrives from London (via Chicago and Des Moines, then drive to St. Joe).  She made a great effort.  More chattering ensues, then they head to Algona.

Saturday, May 9

Hotel crew arrives; Mark & Therese arrive; cinnamon rolls, cookies, etc.

Peanut blossoms!

Chinese restaurant - quite serviceable I hear - Algona, Iowa.

Dallas Clark's Algona winery.  (V. fun even if some uncertainty about the wines, I hear.)

Sangria Saturday draws high-end crowd.

The crew took Grandma up to Algona to tour all the hot spots.  By all reports, they had a great time:  shared five entrees at Chinese restaurant among the group o’ eight; several treats at Chocolate Season (Grandma tried some Chai drink that she supposedly really liked); “Sangria Saturday” at Train Wreck (lovely day, they sat outside by the tracks); etc.  So this was a fine outing for all.

Grandpa had planned to go up to the hill farm and mow down the grass (made sense as it was a good weather day with rain in the forecast.  I considered it a good idea to tag along with him.  Chris tagged along for a while (we inspected the old stove that has sat for so many years in the now-burned-down granary), then joined Algona-bound crew.  I got to run the string-trimmer quite a bit.  Dad did really well on the 4020-mower combination.  Up and down from the tractor just fine, twisting and turning as he backed up the mower into various spots.  Fantastic weather, it was nice it was to be outside moving around.  The two of us I took a break for lunch (ok, dinner) around 1p, then back up the hill.  (Yes, there are plenty of resonant moments for me working with my dad on the same farm where we spent so much time in the 60s and 70s - a gift to be able to revisit this.)

Dad and me on hill farm.

EMG on 4020 (kind of obscured by shade), doing work.

Low-key happy hour on the deck – to enjoy the weather, and to give G&G a chance to rest.  With a little prodding (and beer) on the deck, Therese and Mark agreed to stay the night (instead of just heading back in the evening).  So that was good.  Leftovers for supper.  Traditional angel food cake and singing for N’s b’day.  Cecilia gave Mom the picture of the grandkids (12x18 print combining the 2002 and 2014 photos).  It was carefully inspected.  After supper celebrated Mother’s Day by going around the table for each in attendance to say something about Mom.  Everyone (including Grandpa) had thoughtful, unique things to say – I think she much enjoyed.  I know I did.

PJ and I had  fine traveling companions.

With Grandma.

Grandma's present for Mother's Day (good idea, Cecilia)
(grandchildren photos from 2002 and 2014)

Sunday, May 10

St. Joe Church.

Livermore Legion - breakfast, second Sunday of every month.  

All attend 10a Mass in St. Joe; “Father Peter” was pretty animated.  Chatting outside church, followed by breakfast at Livermore Legion hall.  Fr. Kollasch shows up at the house for a while.  Then Dolores, Clare, Tom, Kieran arrive – fun afternoon with that crew.  Lots o’ baking going on; Chris and Patricia making roast chicken supper; Clare making spring rolls; Bulls losing in background; a bit of euchre; some resting by Dad, less by Mom.  Dinner, clean-up, goodbyes to Cullens; then they return to St. Joe right away due to tornado warning; they eventually head out into the stormy night.  (Turns out there was some tornado stuff not too far off!)

Eager students learning about baking cinnamon rolls.

Grandma, Cecilia.

Mark, Therese

Monday, May 11

Patricia and I went with G&G to 8a Mass, followed by lots of pleasant talking in back of church.  Early flight, so after that, mostly we got organized and hit the road by 11a.  After getting loaded up with all sorts of wonderful baked goods (including plenty consumed on the road to MSP).

In sum:

Nonstop socializing, generally with fairly large groups.  Both Grandma and Grandpa had really good energy – remarkable, really.  I was exhausted; don’t know how they do it.  Grandma is handling the illness part great – matter of fact, but not morose at all.  Definitely tossed off the “I’m not an invalid yet” line numerous times.  Yet she unabashedly acknowledged some fear of what lies ahead in a couple conversations.  It’s fun to see (ok, hear about) her willingness to try stuff (sangria? chai tea?)  Things could change rapidly, but we didn’t feel any particular sense that we were running out of time.  It was a great visit.

With blanket from Kerry.  Grandma sitting among her treasures.  Thinking about things.  I like this photo.