"In his domestic administration my father had this system . . . to keep a journal and insert in it all occurrences of any note . . . A record very pleasant to look at when time begins to efface the memory of events, and very well suited to get us out of perplexity: When was such and such a thing begun? When completed? What retinues came? How long did they stay? Our trips, our absences; marriages; deaths; the receipt of happy or unhappy news . . . An ancient custom, which I think it would be good to revive, each man in each man's home. And I think I am a fool to have neglected it." (Montaigne, Book I, Essay 35 (publ. 1580))
Not surprisingly, we were heading back to St. Joe for trip #4 only three weeks after the prior visit. Reviewing the arc of our four trips: Grandma was doing really well on trip #1 and trip #2; noticeably weaker on trip #3; then obviously near the end on this trip #4. Wonderfully alert and positive, yet not in denial. Just a lot less energy, and the jaundice etc. had really kicked in. She was impressive, and it was another visit that we won’t forget.
On arrival at Mulligan Stew. Was amazed at the number of cars - this is a huge local event.
Fortunately, we arrived in time to catch up with this fine crew. Missing Carol!
Wednesday, August 19
Patricia and I flew into MSP with Chris, where we met Kerry and headed south. (Great, and greatly appreciated, that they traveled, again; Nicole also (she arrived on Friday).) Our goal was to reach St. Joe in time for the “Mulligan Stew” – doubtless the single largest event on the St. Joe parish calendar. The idea was that we could catch up with many family members who were visiting (some leaving shortly after), also catch up with parish/community types, also hang out with Grandma there if she was up to it (she wasn’t), also let PJ, C and K see the Stew event.
Lots of conversation and sipping with all sorts of folks - delightful evening.
PJ had stayed with Grandma; they had a fine chat. On our return - we are looking over some Mulligan Stew photos EMG had located from the 1970s. And had some rhubarb pie!
I don’t recall being at the Stew since sometime in the mid-1970s. Though the parish is smaller, the Stew has grown larger – draws folks from all around the area. Big crowd; cold/windy August evening; highly enjoyable. C, K and I went down to the parish grounds; PJ stayed with Grandma. All of the siblings were there except Carol (per photo), plus many of the next-gen types. Some were leaving during/after the Stew, so focused initially on chatting up that group, including EMG. To the point where the stew was gone by the time we went into the line – had a hot dog! Spoke with various parish folks, then settled into a conversational circle with Charlie, C, K and a smattering of Romie-Capesius-Lane cousins, Joe Illg, etc., for a couple hours, a few beers, and limitless reminiscing and laughter. All this quite delightful, glad K and C had a chance to see what it's like. Back to the St. Joe house – reviewed the day with Grandma, went through some pictures of old-days Stew events, microwaved some stew that had made it back to the fridge. Not bad. But not great. A fun evening.
Thursday, August 20
Pat and Thom Roe visited during breakfast. Lots of chatting throughout the morning. Grandma napped during noontime; I wandered up to hill farm with EMG, Charlie and Houlahan family – tractor rides, climbed a bin, lovely day for all this. All the Minnesota folks left; down to just Charlie, Beth and the four of us. A few tasks in the afternoon – trip to Algona recycling center; gathering even more branches for burn pile on hill farm; supper; dice game; high anticipation for Doc Martin episode only to realize it was preempted by State Fair programming. Oh well. Quiet day, took our opportunities to spend time with Grandma and EMG etc.
Landscaping crew.
Supervisors of landscaping crew.
Friday, August 21
PJ, Beth and K accompanied Grandma to her morning hair appointment in Algona. Charlie, C and I went to Algona – some chatting at Capesius seed shed, then grocery store visit (key task: pick up ingredients to make ham balls). On return – taking advantage of favorable winds (strong from the south) – EMG wanted to light up the humungous burn pile up on the hill farm. So we (EMG, Charlie, C, me) did just that. Some theorizing required getting the blaze going (including gas-soaked carpet strip); no one was singed; big fires are always impressive. So we watched, took photos/video, etc.
Sure, why not toss on some gasoline from an open can? At the 0:40 mark of the video - even with
the wind - things were getting plenty hot near the pickup. Definitely was time to move it
and its collection of flammable cargo.
PJ and K visited the firebugs up on hill farm. Then went to pick up N at Ft. Dodge.
The combination of tractor (F-20) and operator - both are well-seasoned, let's say!
More task-stuff after noon meal. I drove the 4020 to our “home place”. Haven’t had a long-ish tractor ride like that in many decades – it remains a fine way to see the countryside. Charlie and I weed whacked around bins, house and machine shed while EMG mowed with 4020. He gets around great on that machinery. Beth, Patricia, Nicole (picked up by Patricia and Kerry earlier in Ft. Dodge), Chris and Kerry brought lunch over about 5:15. We toured what is left of the house and visited Joe Boy's grave.
Lunch providers showed up just in time.
This interlude at the home place was really nice for me, for a few reasons. One being that EMG seemed to have in mind that we would get the place really cleaned up so that he or we could bring Grandma out to see it for what probably would be one last time. (That was a nice thought on his part; unfortunately, that one last trip didn’t happen. But the place did look nice!) Another neat aspect – we grew up with the tradition, or regular practice, of “men working out in the field, women bringing lunch to them” – let me tell you, it was a memory-stirrer to have this particular group bring lunch to this particular set of workers at that particular site on that particular day. OK, not identical to occurrences of 40+ years ago – but close enough to be very evocative. Plus it was just a sunny, lovely late afternoon – enough wind to keep away mosquitoes, not so much as to be annoying. I had a lot to think about.
I really like this photo.
Back to St. Joe for conversation and general fun; K was able to get Luis on the phone (Facetime!) so he could speak again with Grandma (nice). Dinner was ham balls and dessert! Full day, all tired. And perhaps a bit overfed, though quite enjoyably (and deliberately) so.
"Face-time" with Luis - we had had such a nice visit to Iowa just three weeks prior.
Saturday, August 22
Celebrating Caroline's birthday. And being together.
CCG and I enjoy EMG's theorizing.
Busy day. Connie and Caroline stopped by in the morning; they stayed for noon meal and we observed Caroline’s birthday. Further clean-up efforts at the home place – that took up a chunk of the afternoon. Steve & Liz came over from Mason City; PJ, K and C went with them and Beth to Train Wreck in Algona for a bit in the afternoon (amidst grocery shopping and nonstop cooking/clean-up!)
Pretty sure this was the last birthday card written by Grandma. After so, so many . . .
Train Wreck.
More Train Wreck-ers.
Charlie and I went with EMG to hill farm for more fussing with burn pile remnants. F-20 – truly a historic vehicle – having carburetor problems or something in the fuel line – towed it with EMG’s beat-up pickup so that we could get it in the shed before a respectable rainstorm hit. These activities of course stir up all sorts of memories from decades ago of working with those two, and others, on machinery tasks up in the shed on the hill farm – so many hours back then. Tom and Kieran came by.
Gales children relatives cleaning sweet corn (somewhat reprising photo appearing in St. Joe history book).
Early 1970s photo, with conscripted workers display varying levels of enthusiasm.
The cooking crew came up with an amazing dinner – sweet corn, various pork presentations, freshly-made peach pie. And we of course talked well into the evening.
The peach pie was a SUCCESS.
Ach.
Sunday, August 23
Charlie & Beth had a pretty early flight so they went to mass in Algona, then stopped in St. Joe for breakfast and we said goodbye to them We all went to 10a Mass in St. Joe. It was nice sitting with Grandma there in the old church where so much has happened – except the part about thinking it was the last time. Another windy/cold morning, so Grandpa and Grandma went straight to the house after Mass. Our group-of-five spent a little time at the cemetery – stopped by Mary’s grave – in an email sent on August 24 I wrote “Dramatic-blustery atmosphere, crystal-clear views, tall corn on all sides, the church nestled below – quite a setting.” It really is. Grandpa came by to join us and we spent some time walking around the family gravestones, hearing some of the stories, talking about what style of tombstone he and Grandma would like, looking at a Kaiser sample, etc.
Pretty much immediately after that, it was time for us to head to the airport. We knew there was some tiny chance that – depending on how things played out and how long Grandma lingered – we might make a quick trip back to St. Joe before she died. But that seemed unlikely and we considered this to be our last chance to say good bye. Which is rather a remarkable thing to think about. Here’s how I described it in an email written the next day:
“We had talked about how we wanted to handle our goodbyes – looking at Mom for several days, we of course fear (actually, believe) that this in all likelihood will be our last time seeing her alive – anyway we decided we’d just see how things shaped up in those last moments before we head to the airport. And we were gifted with a truly beautiful experience. Marie Laubenthal had shown up to visit at pretty much the last minute, and EMG drew her off into the computer-picture zone, we think intentionally. That left the five of us in the living room with Grandma, in her chair. One by one, we hugged her and basically told her how much we loved her, and goodbye. Occasional tears, but it most definitely was not a weeping exercise, or an emotion-for-emotion’s sake kind of thing, or even nothing-but-sadness – a nice mix of happy memories was mentioned also. It was neither rushed nor dragged-out. Grandma was absolutely magnificent with each of us – just so impressive. It was absolutely unforgettable. We were, and are, lucky in so many ways. Sad, and so overwhelmingly grateful to have had her, and for these opportunities to visit.”
The car was pretty quiet for quite a while as we drove towards the airport.
Sixth annual trip to Pacific Edge Hotel in Laguna Beach (last year here) - we don't tire of wandering the beach, the town, the shops, the restaurants. Or just sitting on a balcony (juts right over the incoming surf) and looking out over the Pacific. I predict we'll return.
Sitting on balcony just before getting ready to wander out for dinner . . .
Then we drove down to San Diego to join the crew assembling for our second annual trip to the Friday night "brewer's reception" at some festival sponsored by Stone Brewery (last year here). Stone really does an excellent job with its beers. Food lines seemed more manageable this year - nice event with a very entertaining crew. Lots of photos taken, but not by us. But I gathered a few.
Another delightful visit to St. Joe to see Mom and Dad (will use Grandma and Grandpa here per usual in these posts). But a sobering note: between our May and June visits: very little noticeable change in Grandma. This time: her color wasn’t nearly as good, nor her energy levels; what’s happening to her suddenly seems much more real. But her attitude, spirits, willingness to burn energy entertaining us: just amazing.
On arrival . . . getting some knowledge.
Caught up with Carol at beginning of our visit.
For this trip: Kerry and Luis met us at MSP airport and were with us the entire time. It was important to all of us that Luis had a chance to see St. Joe, the farm, the area . . . his only prior visit was this pleasant trip (during which our movements were way too constricted by wintry weather).
I put together this little movie with the photos from our visit:
Thursday 23 July
Easy travels, everyone on time; stopped at grocery store in Algona; PJ put together a fine supper for all. Carol still in St. Joe, wrapping up her visit – so nice chance to catch up with her a bit. Watched Doc Martin!! Round 1 of rhubarb pie was a big success. Friday 24 July
Mom 'n me admiring Dick Erpelding flower bed on a lovely afternoon.
Late afternoon visit to the hill farm.
PJ and I went to Mass with G&G. PJ, K and Grandma went to Algona mid-day – visited Chocolate Season, the Chinese restaurant, etc. Luis and I took Carol up to the halfway point to Minneapolis, where Maeve and Beau (met him for first time!) picked Carol up for the rest of the trip to Minneapolis (and eventually onto Nome). So Luis and I had 3.5 or so hours in the car (half with Carol), which was a fine opportunity to chat about this and that. Grandpa was doing some mowing at the home place and also up on the hill. Hot, muggy weather; Grandpa took Luis and me up to the hill farm in early evening to get a sense for how his old childhood-growing-up place could catch a cooling breeze not available in St Joe itself (let alone the farm where we grew up). It’s a neat place, and the breeze-on-hill effect is very real. Pot roast supper; Twins game; Grandma led K&L through a nice review of her photo albums – nice moments indeed.
Saturday 25 July
Cookie-baking team . . .
. . . with regular breaks for photo album review (finished cookie-product visible at right)
Visiting Caroline.
Working on cookie baking in the morning. After dinner all six of us visited Algona – spent a little time poking around in an antique store on Main Street for starters. Then toured the POW Museum – this was for the German POW camp in Algona during WWII – they do a really nice job with the place. Next up: a delightful visit with Caroline Bormann at her apartment. Back to St. Joe where we relaxed and watched the Lawrence Welk show – pleasant. Some cards in the evening; our hosts napped; we were all pretty tired!
Sunday, 26 July
On our Sunday road-trip - an evocative, lingering visit to where G&G raised their family.
Coffee, cinnamon rolls, oatmeal per usual for breakfast – always nice to sit and look up the hill at that time of day. 10a Mass; brats for dinner. Lovely weather.
Mid-stage of high-stakes Chinese checkers match
In mid/late afternoon we embarked on a lengthy car tour: Grandpa driving, PJ and I in front seat, K&L with Grandma in the back. Wanted to give Luis a look at various of the places around the parish (but of course I always enjoy this kind of thing myself, a lot). Spent some time at the farm where Grandma & Grandpa raised us – a beautiful afternoon, we wandered around a fair amount. (Unlike last month’s visit: Grandma pretty much just rested in the car this time, which made us kind of sad.) Evocative. Drove past the house where Grandma grew up; drove around Clarence Bormann’s farm; drove around the Capesius homestead (and admired their sweet corn); Grandma thought it would be nice for us to see the Grotto in West Bend so we added that to the trip – Grotto was closed but one gets a pretty good sense of the place even with the windshield tour of the perimeter. Lots of talking and laughs as we drive, and drive. Grandpa can be an entertaining driver, especially when encouraged a bit by his passengers. This was memorable, nice.
Digits indicate order of finish.
And then we settled into the evening. PJ makes dinner happen – quite a bit of work, a late roast pork supper (after our extended road trip), she frees up the rest of us to just relax. Kerry, Luis, Grandma and I play Chinese Checkers – Grandma’s traditional favorite. Then we switch to a game I’ll call “Piku” – something they acquired via a friend of Therese’s in Austria when visiting Europe way back when – simple, fun, for some reason the competition, the company, the circumstances made this warm, gentle, full-of-laughs. A wonderful sunset, we kept sneaking to the patio to take a look, it fit the mood perfectly. EMG was doing his computer stuff, joining in the conversation and the laughs as the evening progressed. Had our snacks, and tried to re-create the traditional Bormann beverage (bourbon, apricot brandy, 7-Up); not bad at all. It made me happy to see my mom laugh. And to laugh myself. A late supper, dessert, the most pleasant conversation until nearly 11p.
Our next fun-game.
A great day.
Monday 27 July
PJ and I went to Mass with G&G; Kerry & Luis got themselves checked out of the hotel and came down to St. Joe. Fr. Kollasch stopped by after Mass and enjoyed the baked goods and we had a very pleasant chat about all sorts of things. Including a strong hint from Grandma to Luis that a proposal would be quite in order! Fr. Kollasch was inspired to sing a little ditty. PJ put together dinner, and – after some tugging goodbyes – we were off to the Minneapolis airport and our return flights.
The trip was that mix of heartbreaking and wonderful. We are so lucky to be able to make these visits. Told Grandma we definitely will be back to see her . . . though for the first time the sense is that time with her definitely is running shorter . . .
PJ and I are pretty much addicted to Flagstaff. So took a short trip (June 27-28) amidst all of our Midwest travels. Unremarkable and delightful - hit all the spots we enjoy - lots of walking around town. Historic Brewing has opened a new tasting room (in conjunction with Proper), so that was nice. Really enjoyed the change of weather from late-June-in-the-desert, though we did run into some rain. Something we only do every several years - took the Snow Bowl chairlift up Mt. Agassiz. Weather up there was unsettled - almost cold, a few raindrops - this was a great change of pace.
Dodging raindrops on return trip to Snow Bowl.
Storms developing in Flagstaff as we spent a lovely Sunday. Dinner at Criollo before hitting the road for home around 8p - an absolute downpour in Flagstaff during that time.
AZ Republic all over the storm-story.
Not much rain on the way home, but we commented regularly on the spectacular lightning display visible pretty much all of the two-hour trip - unusual.
This blocked our street for a couple hours in the morning. Then some industrious city workers showed up.
We make it home in fine shape - heavy atmosphere with lots of lightning - 30 minutes after we get home, a massive storm hits - with all of the tree-trouble we've had, I couldn't even look outside. In the morning paper we read that we were at ground zero for a "micro-burst," whatever that means, featuring 80mph winds.
This backyard tree was saved. Which we did not expect.
A little trouble with the roof.
For us it meant loss of trees, plus south corner of our roof was torn away which led to some water damage. We learned that water damage requires a lot of attention - including large fans and portable dehumidifiers, even in a desert climate.
A month having passed since our last trip, we hit the road for St. Joe again. The tiny bit of upside in all this is that we out-of-towners have a chance to make our visits - and somehow my mom so far has been spared the onset of awful pain, or too-quick (well actually, it is too quick anyway) deterioration. For this visit, Paul Jr. and Nedda also made the trip. Nedda had never made it to St. Joe, it was important to me that she see it at this time. My little wife keeps doing a great job with the photography, and with cooking/cleaning/etc./etc.
Our visit was just wonderful.
Friday 12 June
PJ and I enjoy our typical hassle-free travels and arrive in St. Joe about 6:15p following Hy-vee stop. Just missed Charlie/Beth family by a couple hours. G&G were napping when we arrived, clearly enjoyed the week with PA visitors. PJ put together a quite fine chicken parmesan supper, pleasant-quiet evening, all done by midnight.
EMG explaining original St. Joe school building to PJr.
Our fellow-travelers – PJr and Nedda – ran into serious delays. They were scheduled for late arrival, but then their flight was delayed until 11p or so Phx time. They made good time thereafter but still didn’t get to the Burr Oak until 8a local time. (Americinn and Brookstone: both sold out.) It’s good to be young and strong.
EMG using St. Joe history book to add some details for benefit of PJr/Nedda . . .
Saturday 13 June
PJ up at 8a or so - coffee, cinnamon rolls! We chattered and chattered about various. Grandma and PJ make rhubarb pie. (Throwback to an occasional kitchen task from my youth - I cut the rhubarb – fabulous quality stuff courtesy Dick Erpelding.)
Nedda with Grandma . . .
Caroline explaining quilting.
PJr & Nedda arrive by 11a with about 24 hours or so available before heading back. Grandpa did a really nice job of giving them a St. Joe history overview – including quite-enoyable discussion of boarding school anecdotes They were great listeners; Grandma chimed in helpfully as she does; PJ and I even heard a few new things; this session actually was very nice, memorable. Then had late dinner – with that rhubarb pie, which was a winner.
Next – a delightful, lengthy road trip; fun for all, but with underlying purpose of wanting to show Nedda around on her first visit.
Caroline's apartment in Algona (PJr, PJ, Grandma, Carline, me, EMG)
-----------Stop #1: visit Caroline in Algona – talked about quilting (and quilting history), etc. She serves up beverages and snacks. Conversation among G&G and C in hallway as we leave is touching – these three have been acquainted quite a while.
These three old friends had so many laughs talking in hallway as we prepared to head to next stop on our road trip . . .
One more time . . .
------------Stop #2: Irene Bormann house. But we didn’t stop in. Just wanted to show Grandma’s home place.
------------Next: took gravel roads to our farm home from there, including circling the section such that we arrive from the south. (Also swung past Kohlhaas/Bormann sites, and the Spring Valley mansions).
Travelin' group pose in shed, in front of corn shellers and whatnot.
Explaining the "home place" to Nedda on a lovely late afternoon.
With my parents in the "boys room" upstairs . . . identifying a few things worthy of taking over to the "new" house in St. Joe . . .
Grandma . . . watching, reflecting . . .
*sigh*
------------Stop #3: farm where we all grew up. Deterioration of the house is accelerating. I’m ready to get out of the house fairly quickly this time but Grandma is visibly lingering room to room, she and Grandpa are looking at stuff, this makes me sad. They decide to haul back to St. Joe a cardboard box with some of Mary’s stuff. Then we walk around the yard a bit. Late afternoon/early evening – the sun is out for pretty much the first time since we arrived in St. Joe and washes the old, past-its-prime place with that yellow glow – just gorgeous. We stand around in the yard; some picture-taking; some talking; some silence; evocative-ness factor is strong. Grandma was quietly taking all this in – PJ standing with Grandma off by the shed while Grandma looks over the scene and watches the rest of us wander around the yard and buildings and point and talk, and talk, about this and that – she tells PJ about how very sad she is that she won’t get to see this kind of thing anymore. Ach.
-------------Drive toward St. Joe; swing south at Jim Butler corner and look around Ray Gales property (stop #4). The sun is still hanging in the west with that yellow-ish light . . .
With Daryl and Kathy Baker at St. Joe cemetery
-------------Stop #5: St. Joe cemetery – randomly run into Daryl & Kathy there – visit the family graves – perfect weather and lighting conditions – evocative-ness, cont’d.
Visiting grave of Irvin Bormann on a glorious summer evening (St. Joe cemetery)
-------------Stop #6: go to Livermore for church supper - $5 for burger, baked beans, potato salad, dessert ($10 to upgrade to steak sandwich). Is this really a fund raiser? Pleasant chats with various – luminaries such as Spud, Ken E., Tom Berte, Darold Hofer, Leo Bormann, Leo's Irene; Eugene Mertz was playing bingo so we didn't get to say hi to him until his usual beverage duty at Livermore breakfast the following morning.
Livermore parish supper - best deal around (including custom dollar coozies).
End of our fine road trip - back to St. Joe – where we take sunset photos as we fight skeeters. Followed by quite a bit of Irvin Bormann discussion as PJr and Nedda have scheduled a Cassino tour when they’re in Europe in a few weeks – Grandma enjoying showing various items. But plenty of other topics. They head back to Burr Oak around 11p or so, we all wrap up by midnight or prior.
St. Joe and family history discussions . . . continued into the evening.
Sunday 14 June
All attend 10a Mass followed by customary yakking in church. Then to Livermore Legion hall for pancake breakfast. Back to St. Joe house; eventually (but after full demo of downstairs exercise equipment) PJr and Nedda head to MN to visit Nick/Maeve/Beau before airport. Back in St. Joe: afternoon naps!
Reviewing Irvin Bormann information with his sister (PJr & Nedda heading to Cassino within the month)
At night: baby shower for Anna Bormann Olson at Mark & Sue’s place – a very nice event indeed, we were there a few hours. Enjoyed catching up with those folks. Back at St. Joe - watched second half of NBA finals game with Grandpa. Followed by more chatting ‘til our typical midnight wrap-up.
Monday 15 June
Hospice nurse stops by in the morning. PJ had bought groceries for spaghetti/meatballs for Sa or Su supper so makes these up for M dinner instead. Grandma left for card club at 1:30p, which gave us a little time to speak with Grandpa before heading to the airport around 2p
Our group just after breakfast at Livermore Legion hall (in front of Irvin Bormann's flag)
In sum:
Very different trip than the prior month, lucky to have two entirely-different-but-equally-fine experiences. This was small group, relaxed, G&G both did great. Grandma didn’t seem a whit different than five weeks ago, except we had the sense that she is more strongly feeling the clock ticking. It’s just hard to believe she’s that ill, but there it is. When we say goodbye we don’t really feel like it might be the last time we see her in such (relatively) good shape, as we will want to return probably late July or thereabouts depending on how things are going.
